Tuesday on Tape #12 - Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders

#12 - Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders (12/11/12)

Tuesdays on Tape Rating Scale™

Previews: 0/1
Soundtrack: .5/.5
B&T: 0/1.5
Graphics: 1/1
Sound Effects: .5/.5
Likable Characters: .5/1
Memorable Moments/Quotables/Emotion: 1.5/1.5
Total: 4/7

Rent or Buy?: Rent

Kudos:

• Guy breathes fire
• Really cool dog
• Best climax ever
• Monkey toy is despicable antagonist

Personal Thoughts: The ratings might not be give the impression that we liked this movie, but we had a hell of a time with this one. I personally loved it. Essentially, Merlin's Shop was just an excuse to make use of a unreleased short horror film from the 80s (based off of Stephen King's "The Monkey") by adding some low budget 90s footage. To be honest, we picked this one because fellow committee member Sean and myself are on a quest to watch movies from the IMDb Bottom 100 movies list. Is it that bad?

Not at all. It's a good movie. It's not even so-bad-it's-good. It's just good. There are some ridiculous effects in the first tale (the guy breathing fire), but that's about it. The only incompetent part of the whole thing is the first ten minutes being a REALLY slow start. But it picks up speed quickly, leading to one of the best climaxes I've ever seen in a movie ever. I literally jumped out of my seat and screamed in joy. I kid you not.

I understand this was riffed by MST3K but I'm not entirely sure why. Of course, I didn't think Manos: The Hands of Fate was that bad either. Pick this up, but do yourself a favor and watch the original version first!

Find of the Week (2/17/13) - (2/23/13)

Last week was totally devoid of finds. This week, though, I went book shopping in Grand Rapids. I found a ton of awesome AD&D 2nd Edition stuff. Yeah, I know it's not really hip, but that's the edition I'm into, so I was super excited. Let's break down the major finds.

Planescape Box Set

Value: $90 on Amazon (in good condition)

Actual Cost: $6.95 (in acceptable condition, missing monster sheets)

Here's the campaign setting box set for Planescape. Released in the mid-90's, this thing fetches a fair penny online. At its cheapest, it costs $90! Unfortunately, my box isn't in great condition and the Monster Compendium supplement were removed (probably placed in the original owner's binder). The actual contents of the box are in awesome shape, so I don't mind much. Awesome value, as I actually plan on running Planescape someday. It's the most interesting D&D setting after Spelljammer.

Planes of Conflict Box Set

Value: $270 on Amazon (good condition)

Actual Cost: $4.95 (box in poor condition, missing monster supplement)

This box is in similar condition to the first Planescape box. The books inside are fine. It's missing the monsters and has a bad box. This box is more beat up than the last and is actually held with tape at the corners. Oh well, with the cheapest alternative at $270, I'm not complaining.

Planes of Chaos Box Set

Value: $37 on Amazon (good condition)

Actual Cost: $6.95 (box in poor condition, missing monsters and posters)

This box set is in the worst shape of them all. The box is really beat up. It's missing not only the monsters, but also 4 of the 5 posters. This is okay by me, considering this is the least valuable of the box sets.

Hellbound: The Blood War Box Set

Value: $85 (good condition

Actual Cost: $6.95 (acceptable condition)

This was the last Planescape setting box set I was able to pick up. I sadly could not find Planes of Law or Primer to the Outlands. This one is in the best shape. The box has a little tearing at the bottom but is still strongly holding together. There's no tape or anything. All the contents are included too!

Planescape Monstrous Compendium Appendices (I, II, and III)

Value: $60 (good condition) 

Actual Cost: $9.90 total (poor condition)

Ok, these books are pretty beat up. There's water damage wrinkles and even one page where a picture has been cut out. Oh well, at least I can get the monster info from them!

Dragon Magazine #159 & #180

Value: $4 on Amazon

Actual Cost: $7

Okay, so I lost $3 on this transaction (not so if I factor in shipping and handling costs, a-ha!). These issues of the official D&D magazine are kinda cool. #159 has a bunch of Spelljammer articles, while #180 has a neat random encounter table. I read these on the bus headed home from Grand Rapids!

Overall, I got some pretty good deals, even if they're not exactly analogous in condition to items found online. $546 worth of AD&D junk for $42 bucks. Not so bad, if I do say so myself. 

As for whether or not I'll actually use this stuff, I guess only time will tell. I do plan on running a Planescape campaign someday, but right now I'm all about Spelljammer. Even if I never actually play them, I will enjoy reading them, so it's worth it.

Tuesday on Tape #11 - The Cat From Outer Space

#11 - The Cat From Outer Space (12/4/12)

Tuesdays on Tape Rating Scale™

Previews: 0/1
Soundtrack: 0/.5
B&T: 0/1.5
Graphics: 1/1
Sound Effects: .5/.5
Likable Characters: .5/1
Memorable Moments/Quotables/Emotion: 1/1.5
Total: 3/7

Rent or Buy?: Rent

Kudos:

• Horse-racing scene
• Proto-E.T.
• Excellent stunt driving
• Masterful animal acting

Personal Thoughts: Ok, we got ourselves into this one. The Cat From Outer Space is obviously a bad 70's Disney talking-thing movie (like the old crappy Herbie movies), but we watched it anyway. In this one, an alien cat recruits a quirky scientist to help him find gold to power his dead spaceship. I don't really have a lot to say about this one, I guess. I didn't like it as much as the rest of us did, but I suppose you might, if you like cheesy old family movies.

Tuesday on Tape #10 - Volere Volare

#10 - Volere Volare (11/27/12)

Tuesdays on Tape Rating Scale™

Previews: 0/1

Soundtrack: .5/.5

B&T: 1.5/1.5

Graphics: 1/1

Sound Effects: .5/.5

Likable Characters: .5/1

Memorable Moments/Quotables/Emotion: 1.5/1.5

Total: 5.5/7

Rent or Buy?: Buy

Kudos:

• Crazy animated graphics
• Crazy sound effects
• Crazy B&T
• Crazy stunt driving
• Crazy dick punching
• Roger Rabbit for adults

Personal Thoughts: Volere Volare is a Roger Rabbit story about a sound effect technician in love with cartoons. When he falls in love with an unconventional prostitute, he finds himself turning into a cartoon himself! This movie unexpectedly used Italian dialogue with English subs. It's actually really funny. Most of the humor is innocent oldschool cartoon slapstick and sound humor. The other jokes are mostly sexual in nature. (The prostitute does weird things and is sometimes nude, but never has sex. Instead, she pretends to be scared while her cab-driving john drives like a maniac. In another scene, she acts as a nun during a fake funeral staged by a necrophiliac old couple.) Not everyone it will enjoy that, but I did.

The animation was surprisingly good for a random Italian adult comedy movie from 1994. The bulk of the animation only lasts for the final 15 minutes, much less than Roger Rabbit or Cool World. I do give it props for having that much, though, especially since I recently watch Evil Toons. That movie only had about 90 seconds of animation. Overall, the animation, combined with the excellent sound effects, did it's job and makes this a very unique movie. 

If you're a fan of cartoons and adult humor, check this one out. It's only like $6 on Amazon for a used copy.

Find of the Week (2/3/13 - 2/9/13)

Nintendo Power (Jan. 1996, Nov. 2010)
Value: $26

Actual Cost: $0.50

I'm a big fan of old video game magazines. I was going through the magazine rack at one of my common spots and noticed some Nintendo Power magazines. There was a year's worth Nintendo Power issues from 2010-2011 and one issue from 96. I picked up the old issue and the only interesting newer issue. I will probably go back and grab the rest of them just for fun, since they're only a quarter.

The 2010 issue celebrates the 25th anniversary of Nintendo Power. I leafed through it and noticed a lot of people sharing their memories about the NES and some of its popular games. I'm into nostalgic writing, so I thought this was pretty cool. The cover is kinda cool too.

The cover on the '96 issue is actually missing, but that didn't stop me. This magazine is THICK. The big feature in this issue was a preview of all the games coming out for the Ultra 64. What a blast from the past! If you know a little about gaming, you'd know that the Ultra 64 turned into the N64, and the first year of the system suffered due to a lack of games. I mean, Body Harvest is one of the games featured, yet it didn't get released until 1998. It's also worth noting that this period saw Nintendo Power covered four video gaming systems at once. In addition to the Ultra 64, there's space devoted to the SNES, Gameboy, and Virtual Boy.

I payed a quarter for each of these. Completed listings say that the November 2010 issue goes for $20 and up to $30 for the special Mario cover alone. These will make good additions to my budding library of video game magazines.

Tuesday on Tape #9 - King Ralph

#9 - King Ralph (11/20/12)

Tuesdays on Tape Rating Scale™

Previews: 0/1
Soundtrack: .5/.5
B&T: 1.5/1.5
Graphics: 1/1
Sound Effects: .5/.5
Likable Characters: 1/1
Memorable Moments/Quotables/Emotion: 1.5/1.5
Total: 6/7

Rent or Buy?: Buy


Kudos: 

• Spotted Dick jokes
• Cricket scene
• OST by John Goodman
• Burger King scene is hilarious
• Elaborate glass domino effect
• Randy Finnish Princess with man voice
• Tommy is badass
• Goodman hanging out sunroof of a limo

Personal Thoughts: King Ralph is the highest rated tape in Tuesday on Tape History so far. Is it that good? Yes.

It might not be quite as good as Fraily, but this movie is full of fun! John Goodman plays the titular character and makes this movie. (He's as integral to this as he was to Matinee, another excellent film.) Goodman is an American with very distant ties to the Queen of England. He finds himself the King after a freak accident wipes out the entire Royal Family. It's a comedy, so don't expect anything too grand. Unlike most 90's comedies, there are no annoying over-the-top actors.

My favorite part in the entire thing is when John Goodman sings. Multiple times. Yes, really, it's John Goodman singing. He even has a wild musical number at a party! It's amazing! If It weren't for the lack of previews, this would have had a perfect score. The quest for the perfect tape continues!

Please Don't Feed My Kaiju: Imperial Godzilla

When I started this blog, I wrote the first posts about Ultraman episodes. I got bored after a few and quit writing for a year. It wasn't that I don't like Ultraman or kaiju. I just made the posts too long and burned out. It's been so long since I wrote about kaiju that I figure I should give them some love. I present to you Godzilla!

Here is my Imperial Toys Godzilla figure. This was released in 1985, and every kid had one. My brother and I did. My mom threw it away sometime over the years. When I recently went through a Godzilla kick and had money to spare, I picked it up. It's a little worn and is losing the paint on his finger nails, but he's still awesome. I mean, check out that red lipstick!

Imperial Godzilla stands at an astounding 12"!

You may recognize this legendary figure from his many appearances in TV Land. Godzilla is a reoccurring figure in Roseanne and probably a bunch of other crap as well. Seriously, he's in like every episode of Roseanne.

Best of all, this thing is massive. You can trample all over just about any figure. I used to have a bunch of smaller scale Bandai figures, and they didn't hold a candle to this. Not only were they smaller, they were not nearly as durable. Thus, they weren't as well suited for kaiju fights. Now the obstacle is finding other kaiju toys of a similar scale so battles don't seem one sided!

Of course, it's easy to find smaller stuff. I like to browse through dollar stores for bootleg action figures and stuff like that. I found a decent caterpillar plushie to act as larval Mothra. My buddy Sean picked up some little mini wrestling figures and left them over at my house. Naturally, I chose not to follow my own advice and fed them to my kaiju.

Tuesday on Tape #7 & #8 - Wizards & Frailty

#7 - Wizards (10/30/12)

Tuesdays on Tape Rating Scale™

Previews: 0/1
Soundtrack: .5/.5
B&T: 1.5/1.5
Graphics: .5/1
Sound Effects: .5/.5
Likable Characters: 0/1
Memorable Moments/Quotables/Emotion: .5/1.5
Total: 3.5/7

Rent or Buy?: Avoid


Kudos:

• ”Aaahhh!” (You will never be able to recreate that yell simply through text.)
• The two soldiers who were the only likable characters in the movie
• “I don’t wanna hurt nobody anymore!”
• "They killed Fritz!
• Sudden bursts of sensational violence that made the movie kind of tolerable
• Red Lobster Bender

Personal Thoughts: I didn't actually see this one. It's the only Tuesday on Tape that I've missed. I'm just posting it for posterity. Everyone else said it was bad. Over half the viewers walked out. I have seen 5 minutes of it, and they weren't bad. But, knowing Ralph Bakshi, this probably sucked big time.

#8 - Frailty (11/6/12)

Tuesdays on Tape Rating Scale™

Previews: 1/1
Soundtrack: .5/.5
B&T: 0/1.5
Graphics: 1/1
Sound Effects: .5/.5
Likable Characters: 1/1
Memorable Moments/Quotables/Emotion: 1.5/1.5
Total: 5.5/7

Rent or Buy?: Buy

Kudos:

• A dozen simply masterful previews which brought us back to the days of old
• "Butthole!"
• “I'd do anything to see her teeuts!”
• “They killed Fritz!”
• Extensive Anatomy of a Scene after the movie, which had a man moving a 15 foot 2x4 up and down repeatedly ("The Jiggle Master")
• Lots of fun

Personal Thoughts: Frailty may be the actual best movie we've watched so far. I want to start off by mentioning that this tape had 12 previews and a featurette at the end! That's crazy! Frailty is one of my favorite A-movie horror films.

A man is convinced that he has a mission from God to kill sinners. He enlists his two sons to help him in the battle, but one of boys has his doubts. The acting from Bill Paxton and Matthew McConaughey is excellent. The child actors do an excellent job as well. The script and cinematography are mighty fine, too.

One reason why I like Frailty is because it kind of reminds me of one of my all time faves, Parents. There's a really interesting dynamic to a story where a child can't trust his parents. Unlike Parents, this one also questions religion. Few other blockbuster horror thrillers are this clever. You owe it to yourself to see it if you have not already.

Slasher Scorecard: Junior (1985)

Junior (1985)

I borrowed my buddy Josh's copy of Junior a few months ago and forgot about it. I remembered last night and decided to watch it and apply the Slasher Scorecard. Remember, the scoring system isn't necessarily intended to judge quality of the movie, but rather the amount of cliches it has. (Although some may argue a slasher's quality is proportional to the amount of cliches.)

Junior was a really fun romp. Most of the movie is structured like a rape-revenge exploitation movie. Two girls move to a rural area and fix up a house by the lake. They make a few friends, but are mostly terrorized by the hick Junior and his friends. This felt like a lighter version of Gator Bait. Towards the end, it jumps gears and decides it wants to be a slasher. Probably the best part of the movie was Junior himself. Junior didn't bring any horror but was used as comedic relief. Some of his curse-ladled rants were hilarious!

Sadly, Junior doesn't have a lot of gore or even horror cliches. There is one notable gore scene with a dog gutted out and handing from a rope. Other than that, this is pretty tame effectswise. Still, I recommend it for fans of Gator Bait or Snake Eater.

The movie nets a point total of 87. For context, this is a bit on the low side. 87 points is much higher than a giallo or something really tame would get, but lower than the other movies I've rated recently like Bay of Blood.  Here's the tallied up scorecard, with points earned in bold.

Slasher Scorecard: Junior

Find of the Week (1/27/13 - 2/2/13)

To Kill a Mockingbird Homemade Boardgame
Value: Priceless

Actual Cost: $0.95

I was looking through the boardgames at my thrift spot when I noticed this homemade box. To Kill a Mockingbird is a school project board game based on the Harper Lee classic.

The game mostly seems to be a repurposed copy of Sequence. The box is an inverted and taped up Sequence box. The pieces include Sequence chips (although I can't remember if they're actually used). The board itself is a hand painted(!) Sequence board. The pawns came from Sorry and Monopoly.

The handwriting is pretty bad, but the homemade rules mention recommended age at 12+. I'm guessing this was made by a 5th or 6th grader. The gameplay seems to be basic trivia and vocabulary, so I probably won't play it.

Even if I don't, it's cool to own a unique, one-of-a-kind board game!