Tuesday on Tape #6 - The Guyver

#6 - The Guyver (10/16/12)

Tuesdays on Tape Rating Scale™

Previews: .5/1
Soundtrack: .5/.5
B&T: 1/1.5
Graphics: 1/1
Sound Effects: .5/.5
Likable Characters: 0/1
Memorable Moments/Quotables/Emotion: 1/1.5
Total: 4.5/7

Rent or Buy?: Rent

Personal Thoughts: The Guyver is the 1991 American live-action film based off the Japanese manga/anime. As far as American live-action movies based on anime go, this one is pretty decent. It does its job well. I went into The Guyver expecting lots of monster suits, and that's exactly what I got.

The Kronos Company has created a mechanical suit thing called the Guyver, and our hero finds it. The company wants it back, so they send a bunch of anthropomorphic monsters to fight him.

Now, I've never read the original manga or seen any of the anime. I have no clue how this stacks up in a side-by-side comparison. I can say that this tape was a visual feast! Monsters galore! Unfortunately, it's not 100% greatness. Mark Hamill's character feels ultimately pointless, which is problematic given the amount of screentime dedicated to him. The other characters aren't too interesting either.

I got a good kick out of the scenes at the movie set, but not a whole lot of other stuff stuck out apart from the suits. I mean, suits are awesome and all, but this movie is going to score lower on our rating scale because we just don't have a category for monster suits. A lack of real characters hurt this one on the scoreboards especially.

My colleagues thought this was fun but unsubstantial. I guess I agree, but I think I may have liked it more than they did. I'd probably buy (not rent) the VHS again if I had to do all over.

Tuesday on Tape #5 - Ghost Dad

#5 - Ghost Dad (10/9/12)

Tuesdays on Tape Rating Scale™

Previews: .5/1
Soundtrack: .5/.5
B&T: 0/1.5
Graphics: 1/1
Sound Effects: .5/.5
Likable Characters: 1/1
Memorable Moments/Quotables/Emotion: 1.5/1.5
Total: 5/7

Rent or Buy?: Buy

Personal Thoughts: Ghost Dad is another Tuesday on Tape MVP. This movie looks like a bad family comedy. Well, it kind of is. What makes the movie shine is the excellent performance by Bill Cosby. The writers and director let Bill Cosby go wild, and it shows. This is good stuff.

Bill Cosby plays a dad who winds up a ghost. This may be the most likable character ever! His likability resulted in a full Likable Characters score, despite there being no other likable characters in the movie. When I'm 50 and turn into a ghost dad, I hope to be as cool as Bill Cosby is in Ghost Dad.

This movie would have definitely hit the full points category if it had more previews and some B&T. Unfortunately, it didn't. Thus, it isn't the perfect tape. What do you expect from a Bill Cosby family flick? Either way, you owe it to yourself to watch it if you ever run across a copy.

Find of the Week (12/30/12 - 1/5/13)

The Ripper (1985) VHS

Value: $4 on Amazon.com

Actual Cost: $0.50

Ok, this isn't a super good find in terms of value-to-actual-cost ratio. The reason it's the find of the week is because it's another shot-on-tape horror movie (and I didn't buy anything else valuable this week)! I'm lucking out this month! Shot-on-tape, or shot-on-video, is my favorite subgenre, if you can call it that, of horror.

How does The Ripper fare compared to other SOV horror? I don't know. It's not exactly renowned for being good or anything. We'll see when I watch it. I'm excited to see how it turns out. I am a fan of the starring actor Tom Savini. I loved his remake of Night of the Living Dead, preferring it to anything ever made by George Romero. On the other hand, I am not a fan of horror movies that follow the life of the killer. (When A Stranger Calls is the exception because that film was genius.)

Maybe I'll start a shot-on-tape horror review feature. I own a few others on bootleg DVD, so it could be interesting. I'll watch it soon and let you know what I think.

Tuesday on Tape #4 - Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2

#4 - Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 (10/2/12)

Tuesdays on Tape Rating Scale™

Previews: .5/1
Soundtrack: 0/.5
B&T: 0/1.5
Graphics: .5/1
Sound Effects: 0/.5
LikableLikable Characters: .5/1
Memorable Moments/Quotables/Emotion: .5/1.5
Total: 2/7

Rent or Buy?: Avoid

Each week, we will list things about the tape that deserve special kudos. This week kudos go out to:

• Censoring curse words with fart noises
• Releasing the VHS as Family Edition only, censoring the risque aspects of the theatrical release
• Copious amounts of stunt driving
• Weird, misleading letterbox effects that disappear after a few seconds
• Babies on the cover aren't in the movie
• “I like bouncin’!”
• “Can a baby get some water?”

Personal Thoughts: Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 looked so much better than it actually was. I've been wanting to see this movie since it was released in 2004. The first Baby Geniuses movie is pretty stupid and funny, and this one looked even more stupid! How could it not be funny?

I recently remembered the bouncy ball baby and decided to look up the trailer. The trailer was hilarious, so I immediately checked to see if the movie was on VHS. 2004 was the very, very late end-of-days era for the format in America. I figured if any movie would be released on tape in '04, it had to be some family movie drivel like Baby Geniuses 2. As soon as I saw it available on Amazon, I purchased a new copy from the marketplace.

As for the actual movie, it sucked. Now, one thing to keep in mind with my reviews is that if I say something sucks, it sucks. Bad. I appreciate things that are so-bad-it's-good (I never liked that phrase). I don't consider campy stories and hilarious acting to be "sucky." If I say something sucks, it has to be boring and unentertaining. Sucky fits Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2 to a tee.

A child superspy uses a machine to turn four babies into superheroes to fight some crazy German guy. The highlights were Bouncy Boy, the little baby who turns into a rubber superball. He gets the best lines in the movie, as quoted above in the kudos. There's a couple of other cool things like the stunts (with some hilarious CGI thrown in too) and fart jokes. In between that goodness, however, is a bunch of boring crap. Mostly it's just Jon Voight playing a Hitler type, talking about he hates babies. Avoid this if you actually want something funny to watch. Watch only if your viewing group is strong enough to talk through the really boring moments in bad movies.

Tuesday on Tape #3 - Phat Beach

#3 - Phat Beach (9/18/12)

Tuesdays on Tape Rating Scale™
Previews: 0/1
Soundtrack: .5/.5
B&T: 1.5/1.5
Graphics: .5/1
Sound Effects: .5/.5
Likable Characters: 1/1
Memorable Moments/Quotables/Emotion: 1.5/1.5
Total: 5.5/7

Rent or Buy?: Buy

Personal Thoughts: Phat Beach is a great movie. This beach adventure stars Lean on Me favorite hefty homeboy Huggy Hopkins. It also happened to be the first movie the committee rated. We all had a blast!

Benny and his friend Durrell steal Benny's dad's car and take a trip to the beach to find love and fortune. Along the way, they run into misfortune after misfortune, often to hilarious effect.

I saw the movie for the first time in around 1999 on USA Up All Night. It's always been one of my favorites. Upon rewatching, I felt that the first half is much stronger than the second half. The jokes kinda peter out towards the end. That's not to say I didn't enjoy it. I grew attached to the characters (especially the main star's friend) and enjoyed seeing where their odyssey took them. I love movies that follow the characters on an epic adventure. Phat Beach is truly epic. It would have rated much higher on our 7 point rating system if only it had previews.

Should you watch Phat Beach? Yes. Doubly so if you enjoy urban comedies and beaches and Coolio.

Find of the Week (12/2/12 - 12/8/12)

I shop a lot. Often times I look for old VHS tapes/laserdiscs, video games, board games, etc. I have a few establishments I frequent, from thrift stores to flea markets to retro game stores (some of which give me discounts regularly).

Last week, I stopped by the top local thrift store for board gaming, Value World. I did manage to find a couple of board games, which I picked up (Nab-It and Beyond Balderdash). Having gone over their room of hundreds of games and puzzles, I decided to check out the VHS section. I've been doing a weekly tape-watching event with friends, so more tapes is always a good thing.

Usually Value World has a lackluster offering of VHS tapes compared to, say, St. Vincent DePaul. At first I found Hercules and the Amazon Women and not much else. Then something else caught my eye. In the middle of a stack of tapes, I spotted . . .

Boarding House (1982) VHS

Value: $28 on Amazon.com

Actual Cost: $0.50

Boardinghouse is considered the first shot-on-video horror film. I'm a huge fan of SOV horror movies such as Sledgehammer, Black Devil Doll From Hell, etc. Boardinghouse is a particularly important find for me because a.) it's not available to download from any major torrent site I've checked in the past two years, and b.) the VHS goes for $28 on Amazon (the DVD is a whopping $70 at this point). I couldn't contain my excitement. I think I let out a squeal, to be honest. I snatched it up as soon as I could, just in case some smelly old lady decided to stroll up behind me and steal it in my stupor.

I haven't watched it yet, but when I do, expect a full review!

Tuesdays on Tape #1 & #2: Gunhed & Ocean Drive Weekend

The first two tapes featured in Tuesdays on Tape were viewed before the Tuesdays on Tape Rating Scale™ was established.

#1 - Gunhed (9/4/12)

Personal Thoughts: Gunhed was alright. The trailer made this look like the best mech movie ever. Basically, a group of scavengers break into an abandoned factory and get killed. One guy survives and finds a giant mech to fight back. The sets and special effects (GRAPHICS!) were awesome. Sadly, nothing really happened. Gunhed lacked action, suffered from poor pacing, and often times made no sense. I think this might be the case of a movie butchered during localization. Who knows? All I know is that it's a rent at best.

#2 - Ocean Drive Weekend (9/11/12)

Personal Thoughts: Ocean Drive Weekend is a Troma-released American Graffiti ripoff. A couple of college guys go to meet some girls at the beach. It is everything you would expect. It was humorous, but not hilarious. I liked the low budget feel and goofy charm of the southern actors. Overall, I'd recommend this movie to any fans of nostalgic comedies like American Graffiti and Porky's.

It's also worth noting that Ocean Drive Weekend is a VHS exclusive and can be found for no more than ten bucks tops.

Tuesdays on Tape

It all started in September of this year. I was hanging out with a few of my like-minded buddies when we conceived a brilliant idea. We decided to start a club to watch movies on VHS. Why VHS? Because we can find them for less than a dollar, not to mention the nostalgia we all hold for the format.

We would pick the most boring day of the week to convene: Tuesday. Thus, the club came to be known as Tuesdays on Tape.

Almost every week, we go out and buy "snacky snacks" before settling down in front of the VCR. The first two tapes were watched just for fun. Thereafter we decided that we would rate the tapes on a number of criteria. This criteria has come to be known as the Tuesdays on Tape Rating Scale™. It is a seven-point system that goes as follows:

Previews (1 point)
Soundtrack (0.5 points)
B&T (1.5 points)
Graphics (1 point)
Sound Effects (0.5 points)
Likable Characters (1 point)
Memorable Moments/Quotables/Emotion: (1.5 points)

Rent or Buy?

The scale really touches on everything that makes a tape great. Notice how I say we rate the tape?

That's because previews count for a whole point in addition to the content of the movie itself. (Half a point for having at least 4 previews, half a point for them being good.) Graphics is a funny way of categorizing all visual effects and mise-en-scène (including sets, costumes, cinematography, etc.). The other categories are self-explanatory. After each tape is viewed, the voting committee discusses and rates the movie.

From now on, I will post all results from past and future Tuesday on Tape meetings, as well as keep you up-to-date on any news. Stay tuned!